I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
