Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
