had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
