whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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