He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My vagina just recognized that song.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
