I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
