I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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