More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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