alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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