Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
