Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
