she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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