I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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