So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
