Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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