my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
