I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
