What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
