I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
