I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
