nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
