My liver just broke up with me...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
