I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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