I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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