I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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