you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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