Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
