just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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