I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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