He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
