I'm pants shitting drunk right now
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
