I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
