I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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