Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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