I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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