Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
