Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
