I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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