I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
