we have pet lesbian snakes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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