what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
