Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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