I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
as a side note pls kill me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
