she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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