four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
