i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
