people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
