Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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