i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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