you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
