That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
