she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
