Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
