I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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