I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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