i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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