Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
