i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
