The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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