2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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