If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
