Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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