I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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