jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
