i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
