I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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