Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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